i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
