So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
