got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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