I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
