you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
