a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
