My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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