Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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