Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Michael Bay diarrhea
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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