Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize