do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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