my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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