Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
