Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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