you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
