saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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