Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
