Betty ford says i'm here all night
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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