Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
your like the ambassador to my penis.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
