i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Randomize