I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
