You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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