good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
