she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
