I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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