apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize