you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
