12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize