I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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