some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
