I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
