Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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