Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
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