When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
