So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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