Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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