haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
