you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
