I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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