a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
