just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
im holly from the hills drunk
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I just gargled with NyQuil
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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