I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
