Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
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