i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
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