I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
