So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
