I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
FUCK WHALES
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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