Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
