im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
