i think my mom watched the whole time
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
