11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
