He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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