remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
