pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
