Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
