so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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