stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
