The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
