I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Randomize