I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
