I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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