At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
