part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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