we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
