i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
