How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
