People with herpes should wear stickers.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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