so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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