Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
