I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
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