I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize