Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
