im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
