i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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