i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
cat food counts as protein by the way
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
