My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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