At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
