I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Randomize