Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
