Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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