He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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