we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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