thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
