$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
