he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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