my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize