i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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