I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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