Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
