You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
