I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
